Portland Family Lawyer tells you the top 5 tips for keeping divorce peaceful

Most people who are going through a divorce want to just get it over with as painlessly as possible. Very few people want the fighting and hostility that come from a bitter divorce. Unfortunately though, divorces are one of the most stressful, hostile situations you will probably ever encounter with a few exceptions. Here are the top five secrets to keeping your divorce peaceful under any circumstance.

Below we will go over our top five tips for keeping your divorce peaceful, but we want to point out that these tips are oriented toward a divorce that is contested and may have some contentious feelings already. We do also have hints for helping to keep an uncontested (also called peaceful, collaborative divorce, or amicable divorce) from becoming conflicted. We offer specialized options for any uncontested or amicable divorces and think there are some really important things to think about when choosing an attorney for a divorce that starts off uncontested. Here are a few of the articles we have to help you navigate those situations:

3 Ways to Keep Your Amicable Divorce From Getting Ugly Even After You Hire an Attorney

Top 5 Reasons Why Collaborative Divorce Can Backfire

Uncontested Divorce

If you have are about to get divorced or are in the process of a divorce and there is a lot that has not been decided, you are fighting over property settlements, custody, or support the following tips should help you to maintain a more peaceful divorce.

Our Oregon Family Lawyer’s Top 5 Secrets For Keeping Your Divorce Peaceful

1. Hire a good Portland or SW Washington family law attorney.

Because of the way our society views confrontation, people often think of a “good attorney” as a real shark like the characters on TV. Don’t be fooled by television. The mark of a great family law attorney is actually the opposite. You want someone who can focus on keeping your cost down, and the hostility to a minimum, but who will fight for you when you need them to.

2. Don’t try to win any more arguments.

Odds are you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye. Few do when going through a divorce. Most people have spent years repeating the same arguments thinking “how can they not see what I’m saying”. The reality that you should try to accept during your divorce is, you will probably never get your spouse to see your point of view. The less you try, the less tension will develop.

3. Don’t give your spouse reasons to be angry.

We all know it only takes one person being unreasonable to create conflict, but the truly disastrous cases I have handled are the ones where both parties are picking fights. If your spouse is being unreasonable, or acting inappropriately, the best thing you can do is to ignore his behavior whenever possible. While you can’t control their behavior, you can control your own to make sure you don’t fan the flames by trying to fight his fire with your own. If there are problems that are relevant to the divorce it is best to try and let your divorce lawyer address them with the other attorney.

4. Let your Portland family law attorney handle stressful situations.

Notify your divorce attorney whenever something comes up that creates an emotionally stressful situation. If you’ve hired a good attorney, it may be best to let them try to reduce tensions whenever a dispute comes up, as nobody can push a person’s buttons better than a spouse can. By handling stressful dynamics yourself, it often can lead to more unintentional slights against each other.

5. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

This is easier said than done sometimes, but often times people end up fighting over things out of principle rather than out of logic. It can be hard to see the bigger picture when emotions are running high which is another good reason to make sure you trust your divorce attorney so you will listen when they tell you something really is small.

I had a case once where the parties each spent over $1,000 arguing about who should get the babies’ dehumidifier. They both felt they were the primary parent, and needed the dehumidifier in their house. Neither of them listened when their attorneys told them it was cheaper just to let the other person have the darn thing and buy a new one than it was to keep fighting over it. Don’t fall into this trap, sometimes it’s better to let your spouse “win” than it is to fight over certain things.

We also suggest reading our article about the Top 5 Secrets to a Successful Divorce Trial which is helpful from the start of a divorce case.

Whether you are looking for a divorce attorney in Portland or SW Washington these tips will help you to create a more peaceful divorce process, reducing stress, saving money, and helping your to negotiate a settlement faster. If you still have questions our Portland family law attorney can help you, in the Portland area including Clackamas, Clark county, and surrounding areas call us at 1 (503) 855-4777 or toll free at 1 (855) 328-9108.

Clackamas, Oregon Family Law Attorney Tom Brasier

Tom Brasier is an experienced Portland and SW Washington family attorney. Brasier Law has two offices conveniently located in Clackamas and downtown Portland and serving the greater Portland area including SW Washington. The firm specializes in Washington and Oregon divorce, custody, and restraining orders.

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