Portland & SW Washington Divorce and Custody: Top five mistakes people make in negotiating a settlement
First of all as a Portland divorce firm we can tell you nearly all divorce cases settle, the question usually is not if a settlement will be reached, but rather when will the agreement be struck. There are two major factors to decide when a divorce settlement will occur: (1) How much you have to fight over (custody, property, etc); and (2) How reasonable both parties act. Most of the ways you can create a faster, easier negotiation, happen within the actions of the two parties.
Certainly family law cases go to trial, but that is always a last resort and one to be avoided if at all possible. Even if you do not feel this way Oregon and Washington divorce and family law judges do. The question being addressed here is how to give yourself, or your family law attorney the best chance to reach a favorable settlement, and how to reach it early, saving you time and money. There are a few typical mistakes people make in trying to settle a divorce or custody case.
1. During your divorce or custody case don’t anger the other side.
After years of negotiating divorces in Portland and SW Washington we realize that family law cases are highly emotional. Nobody knows how to push your spouses buttons more than you do, and nothing will so quickly derails settlement discussions like getting them angry. This doesn’t mean be the doormat, but it does mean be on your best behavior. If your spouse starts an argument, politely end it without trying to win the argument. Do whatever you can to avoid the fights that can lead to more bitterness and hostility, at this link you can find some tips for keeping your divorce peaceful.
2. When sending a divorce or custody settlement letter, don’t try to convince them why you deserve what you are asking for.
A common mistake people make is, for example, they may want to propose spousal support of $1,000 a month. When sending the settlement letter, it is more effective to just say, “We propose spousal support be $1,000 per month”. Avoid saying “We propose $1,000 a month because Wife has worked very hard to support the marriage and she deserves this much”. Any added explanation, no matter how carefully worded, will almost always lead them to feeling attacked, and then they feel the need to explain why you don’t deserve that much, and then the cycle of arguing is back on. Stick to the simple proposals and let your custody or divorce settlement letter speak for itself.
3. Stop trying to win the argument.
This is in line with number 2 above. The next time before you engage your spouse in a discussion about what is fair, take a second to realize that if you haven’t been able to convince them up to this point, it is extremely unlikely your attempt to “talk it through” will help this time. Just accept that you and your spouse have a difference of opinion that won’t be resolved, and try to focus on a solution to the problem that doesn’t involve either person seeing the others point of view. This is a really good point at which to talk to your Portland or SW Washington divorce attorney about what divorce settlement expectations you should have.
4. Always leave something in your divorce or custody settlement to be given up.
Always assume that your spouse will find something in your divorce settlement letter to reject. Let them have the last word by including a few points in your proposals that you know are important to them and that you are OK letting them have, but nonetheless you are asking for anyway. For instance, if your husband really wants the washer and dryer set, and you don’t care a whit about it, consider asking for it in your divorce settlement letter anyway. That way, they will include a demand for that in their counter offer, and you can reluctantly agree to it. This lets the other side feel like they’ve won the fight, when in reality you didn’t care at all about getting that item in your divorce.
5. Trust your Oregon or SW Washington family law attorney’s expertise.
You are paying your family lawyer a lot of money. Remember, they negotiate Portland divorce and custody cases for a living. If they offer some advice, before arguing with them too much or insisting on doing things your way, stop and consider if maybe your emotions are preventing you from being objective enough. Objectivity is really helpful in negotiations, make sure to use your divorce attorney as your objective lens to see the case from a different perspective.
Having worked for years in Portland family law, we know one of the biggest things that can make a difference in the entire divorce or custody process is having an attorney you trust. Negotiation in divorce and custody cases is a very large part of the job requirement and can make a big difference in the results. So when looking for your custody lawyer make sure you will trust them to negotiate a good settlement for you.
You may like our articles on three things to look for in your Portland or SW Washington divorce or custody attorney and Can I Avoid Court For my Divorce or Custody Case?
Tom Brasier is an experienced divorce and custody lawyer for Brasier Law a Portland family law firm working on divorce and custody cases in SW Washington and the greater Portland areas. You can contact Tom for divorce, custody, and other family law cases in Washington and Oregon at 1 (503) 855-4777 or toll free at 1 (855) 328-9108.